I don’t know why I often fantasize about becoming a YouTube star when I workout, but it definitely makes it more fun. I’ve been watching a lot of videos on how to be more confident and charismatic lately, and it’s really inspiring me to put myself out there more.
Hoo boy, my allergies are destroying me today. I don’t know what to write. I just want to watch stupid videos on YouTube. It seems like the more I commit to writing, the more I question whether it’s really something I care that much about. It almost always feels like a chore, aside from those rare moments when I’m feeling inspired. Still, I think it’s a good habit, and I want to continue it at least until I leave for Vietnam.
Speaking of, it’s still difficult to imagine I’m going to be going alone to a foreign country on the opposite side of the world. I don’t think the reality of it will fully hit me until the day before I leave. For now, I’m excited. No matter what happens, it will be a powerful, transformative experience that I’ll never forget. I’m already touched by the bittersweet moment I shared with my mom when she cried and told me she was proud of me. And, I think I’m already feeling pretty proud of myself. Proud that I’d actually commit to doing something so terrifying (even to someone who isn’t naturally anxious) without any external motive. I’ve been so passive throughout most of my life. Usually, the only times I’d take action were situations where I had to, just to avoid negative consequences. I’m amazed by how much I’ve grown and by the fact that I’m just getting started. It really sheds light on just how limitless human potential can be when we get out of our own way.
I could never fully imagine what I’m capable of. It’s easy to fantasize about some other me in the future, living a life my current self wishes she had. But to realize, to truly believe that with some effort I could become the person I’ve only dreamed of becoming, even surpass her, that’s a game-changer. The reality of human potential surpasses the limitations of my imagination and makes me a grateful participant in life. I can’t wait to reach the point where my confidence and self-love are so strong that I can effortlessly share it with others. One of my dreams is to be a person who lifts people out of the pitfalls of their minds and reveals to them the strength and beauty they’ve been hiding from themselves. Because, these things lie in everyone, and it’s tragic to have them hidden away. We tell ourselves that we’re not good enough, putting but a fraction of our true selves out into the world to avoid the spotlight. Then, over time, we come to believe that that fraction is really all there is. We lose ourselves in an inferior facade, forgetting all the beauty we locked away. The moment we dig up the pieces of ourselves we kept hidden, repairing our self image — the moment we truly know, or rather remember ourselves, that’s when we stop doubting and start living.
You know, I guess I do like to write, once I get over that initial hump of writer’s block, distractions, and laziness.